Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
