How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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