I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
