I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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