I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
