im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
