No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
