5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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