I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
