I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
