We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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