Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
