I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
