went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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