what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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