i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
