My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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