Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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