I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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