haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
