I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
