She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
