I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
