i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
