I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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