i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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