Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
