but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
