I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
