I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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