Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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