fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
