plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
vagina is talking i cant
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
