It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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