Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
