I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They left me at home... I'm a liability
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
