Your tits are I can't wait for
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
