pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
