i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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