I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
