you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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