My nipple is on Facebook.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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