you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just gift wrapped bread.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
