I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
