He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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