she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
