I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
