I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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