Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
