Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
