brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
