so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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