I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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