if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
