I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
