I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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