I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
