you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
