I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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