is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
