hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
